Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Reflection

"If our hearts really broke every time we fell from love, I would only have confetti left to offer you.  But hearts don't break, ya'all.  They bruise and get better."

Life is full of almosts.  The car that almost hit you, but didn't.  The curb that you tripped on, but were able to catch yourself.  The baseball that passed inches away from a breakable skull.

An almost happened, and it's affecting me.  I catch myself looking both ways before I cross the street, and locking the door behind me.  My chest feels like it's filled with soda bubbles, and I can't quite get a deep breath.

And I want to get another tattoo, or go skydiving again.  Sometime to prove that I'm alive.  That I'm here.  I know no life is guaranteed.  We're racing against minutes, but we don't have the scale.

In my everyday life, I get so focused on non-issues:  who talked to me, if I went to the gym, if I stayed inside my calorie budget.  My life becomes an equation, only I can't find any common factors.  And sometimes I forget that it's ok to smile, and dance to music, and walk outside to look at the sun.

And I realize that I have people who care about me. Even if I can't always remember- they're there.

I'd love this post to be longer, more meaningful, more eloquent, and clear.  But this is all I have to give at this point.  So I'm going to listen to my favorite songs, take a long hot shower, and drink hot cocoa before bed.

3 comments:

  1. SOunds like lots of heavy duty emotions in your world. I hope the shower empowers you and the hot chocolate enriches your world - jsut a wee bit!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Much to think on...enjoy the hot chocolate and sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! Anita Ferreri commented on your post! That is so exciting! Thinking of you and sad I missed this post Tuesday! I went to bed early! Hang in there! You are also on an amazing writing streak!

    ReplyDelete